


promises are broken like a stitch is

by wheo



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Backstory, Character Study, Gen, Keith (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 06:08:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17258981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheo/pseuds/wheo
Summary: Looking back on someone while leaving them isn't much different from seeingthemleave, Keith figures out. Being a step ahead of someone in this situation seems the same as being a step behind. You're left standing alone either way.(or: Keith's terrible luck with leaving and being left behind)





	promises are broken like a stitch is

**Author's Note:**

> alternative title: god i wish voltron knew how to write their characters

Keith's dad used to tell him stories under the dim nightlight that sat on his bedside drawer, all rotten wood and full of scratches, falling apart like the house itself. Even now, when he closes his eyes the yellow glow of the light is still present like looking at the sun through closed eyelids so the dark isn't really dark. Even now, when he closes his eyes, he can see his father, hear his voice through the cracks of the wood, pouring out through them and filling the uneven breaks. He used to tell him stories about a girl -a woman, maybe- a story filled with longing Keith never understood, or tried to understand. It was a bedtime story. It was a bedtime story about being left behind, it was a bedtime story about running away, it was a bedtime story about watching someone leave and accepting it. He didn't think there was anything else for him to understand. He never was the one to read between the lines.

His dad used to tell him to hold on to people. _Hold on tight, because one day you won't,_ he'd say, _one day you won't, and then you'll regret it._

 _Or maybe I won't,_ Keith would then think, because some things are better left as just a memory.

The thing is his mom left after it had been only a month since his eyes had seen the world for the first time, and the first month of your life isn't something you usually remember or have a memory of. So all of his father's descriptions of his mother and the _you’ve seen her, son, you remember_ 's were pointless because one of the first things he remembers are bedtime stories and Dad's head in his hands and choked back sobs and sometimes clenched fists. And he tries to understand the pain of holding onto something that isn't there anymore, a memory, but he simply can't. He simply can't hold onto something he's never seen, a blind spot in his vision, and he thinks if it wanted to be seen it would've made itself more clear. If Mom wanted him to remember her, she would've stuck around. But she didn't, and some things are better left behind.

Keith didn't know he was one of those things.

  
  


 

He thinks he understands that Dad didn't leave him on purpose but he was eight years old and he had waited for him in his bed with his nightlight on, unable to sleep without a bedtime story that never came. There were two men in uniforms and the rotating red and blue lights of a police siren reflected in the window of his room and he had made himself small, arms hugging his knees and his knees pressing up to his nose. And the next day he woke up in a bed that isn't his. The shack and the nightlight and Dad's bedtime stories are some things he had to leave behind.

  
  


 

Not having a mom and a dad is apparently something that's worth being laughed at for, so he punches the guy in the face because he doesn't know better. He had met Shiro earlier that week and was well aware his mentor was the only reason he was even standing in line with the other cadets. Still, he punched the guy the second his ugly remark left his mouth and Iverson had pried him off while grumbling about discipline and what to him sounded like calling him a brat, though that might’ve just been his imagination. His ears were ringing from the rush anyway.

Later that day while he was waiting for Shiro in front of Iverson's office, listening to the rumbling of the air conditioner, he had expected Shiro to come out with a suspension note at best. The least he could do is be suspended, the worst he could do is be expelled, but at this point he might even consider it a good thing. At this point going back to the old shack with cracked wood and now probably a dusty nightlight might be a good idea, but he thinks punching a guy in front of a bunch of people is a good idea so what does he know.

Shiro greets him with a sad look and Keith expects to be told to pack his bags but instead gets a hand on his shoulder and _I will never give up on you, Keith, but you can't give up on yourself._ And he thinks that's enough to make him forget about the bedtime stories for a while. He thinks he might have something permanent for once.

He tells Shiro about a boy with ocean blue eyes while resting on his motorbike, back pressed against the metal and it's almost as uncomfortable as the whole coming out thing. Shiro looks at him with a soft smile and puts a hand on his shoulder again and tells him _it's okay, Keith_ and _have you talked to him?_ And Keith says he would never have the guts to and says the boy probably hates him and thinks he's weird and bad because he punched a guy in the face and _only bad people do that, Shiro, he'll never like a bad person like me._

Shiro seems to disagree but he and Keith have never agreed on much, anyway; especially not on Shiro's decision to leave for the Kerberos mission. Keith doesn't talk to him for a week following up to it, except on the last day when he hugs Shiro in the docking bay that Shiro fought nail and tooth to get Keith into because it's supposed to be family only. Adam doesn't show up and Shiro doesn't mention it but he looks sad and Keith has seen that sadness when his dad had told him bedtime stories and when he had talked about his mom years ago. And Keith knows Shiro loves Adam the way Dad loved Mom, maybe even more, and he knows Shiro has to leave just like Mom had to leave and he knows it probably hurt Adam as much as it had hurt his dad. And he knows it hurt him pretty bad as well.

In the docking bay, he's the one being left behind again.

  
  
  


It's easy to find home in arbitrary places when you don't have anything to compare it to, Keith thinks. One is always more than zero. Something is always more than nothing. And it's easy to find home in little things when the big- the real thing -doesn't exist anymore. It's easy to find home in ocean blue eyes and crooked smiles and the knuckles of someone's fingers. It's easy. At least, for Keith it is.

He had kissed Lance in his own room after Shiro had come back and Lance felt like he's the one that should be stepping down. And it's kind of an impulse thing, kind of like punching that guy back at the Garrison, except this decision isn't something he would later regret. Lance kisses back and he doesn't expect it just like he didn't expect not being kicked out of school and it all seems connected with red strings like the pictures and clues on his wall back in the shack. Mom had still loved Dad when she left, Shiro had still loved Adam when he left and Keith does love Lance. And he knows what he's supposed to do next, because Lance is thinking about stepping down and the Blade had helped him find out at least something about his background so if Keith leaves, at least he'll have somewhere to go to. Lance would go back to Earth and he could die or Keith could die and they'd never hear from each other again but this way Keith would still be close. Maybe not at an arm's length, but close.

And Keith leaves because he loves Lance and he was always the one to be left behind and it's time to turn things around. And Lance's mouth is tugged into a frown and so is everyone else's and Keith’s fists are clenched by his sides when he turns his back and he wonders if he can maybe find his mom and ask her how she did it without turning around, because the second he's out of the door he thinks of going back. But he figures if his mom did it and if Shiro did it, he has to do it as well.

Looking back on someone while leaving them isn't much different from seeing _them_ leave, Keith figures out. Being a step ahead of someone in this situation seems the same as being a step behind. You're left standing alone either way.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> honest to god i wouldn't have finished this if i wasn't bored out of my mind at a family lunch and found this draft of 200ish words and pumped out another 1k of them in like two hours but. here it is. i don't want to talk about season eight so i don't go off on a tangent but unless i decide to finish another draft this is probably the last of voltron's content you're getting from me. i might patch up some of my old drafts and post it as a collection of unfinished stuff but. that's for another time.
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. this isnt beta-ed hence why its a mess. happy new years.


End file.
